#8 What's Awesome (and ridiculous) About Couch Surfing at 50-Something

In my Nancy Meyers version of my life, at 50-something I’m sitting up in my craftsman house in San Marino (or weathered post-modern Cape Cod style home in one of the Hamptons, any Hampton will do) typing away on my laptop while my agent anxiously awaits the latest draft. I’m sipping fennel tea out of my Williams Sonoma “R” mug and reflecting on how I got through my mid-life crises in style and I’m cruising toward a more relaxed stage of life.

And then the record skips and I wake up on my friend’s couch in Marina del Rey. I really do have a Williams Sonoma “R” mug, which my holistic subletter is probably drinking her matcha green tea out of as we speak.

It’s 2021. We just survived the first few waves of a global pandemic, the ex started and stopped support payments a few times, and there was a moment when my work dipped, a few clients dropped out of the picture and I got pretty nervous.

Also the massive IRS marital debt and the tidy 5-figure sum I owe the divorce attorney was creeping into my subconscious and I started to have nightmares I was drowning in debt. They weren’t really nightmares, they were more like accurate depictions of the black clouds of financial worries which I was managing to shove under the rug most days.

Reality was closing in, so I decided to list my apartment on Craig’s List to see what would happen.

It turned out my cute micro-apartment near the beach in Santa Monica was like crack. I got 18 responses. “I’m working remotely and I would love to be in Santa Monica!” was the overwhelming sentiment. Overnight, I discovered a whole new revenue stream: subletting.

What’s awesome about it? It’s a simplified, pared-down existence. When you live out of a suitcase it makes you realize Maharishi was right, we really don’t need all this material stuff. If I have my suitcase, laptop, device cords, chandelier earrings, one pair of boots, favorite jeans, favorite jumpsuit, workout stuff, hiking gear…I have {almost} everything I need at my fingertips.

Coming out of lockdown I was so anxious to see my family and friends and I realized that since my work is remote and my kids are pretty independent (22-year-old is living on his own, fully launched in the world and 19-year-old mostly lives with his dad and started college this year), I have a new-found freedom.

That combined with my wanderlust and a little cash in my pocket was a recipe for traveling and enjoying working on couches all over the country.

I went to San Francisco twice, once for my book launch in Pleasanton, and once for a fun getaway with b.f.

One of my best friends, Carmen, defected from Los Angeles to Portlandia so I got to go up there and plant myself for a week. I explored all nooks and crannies of the city, rode Carmen’s bitchin mountain bike all over Lake Oswego, worked remotely and enjoyed spending time with Carmen and helping her daughter Chloe and Chloe’s partner Em look for an off-campus house they could afford.

I enjoyed an extended visit back east (NYC, Philadelphia, New Jersey, and the Hamptons) met my grandnephew —dammit he is cute—and planted myself on my mom’s murphy bed for some seriously-needed mom time which we were both missing during the pandemic.

So what’s ridiculous about it? I’m 50-something! There is a certain lack of dignity living out of a suitcase in the middle of someone’s home that is not your own. Working in the corner with your laptop and your ergonomically-correct mouse, staying out of people’s way, tuning out with writing-vibe playlist on headphones.

Shouldn’t I be modeling financial stability for my boys, building up my 401-K, counting my pennies and looking toward retirement?

The answer is, I’m more like re-starting my life after this divorce, and I’m giving myself the judgment-free space to do that. Through this lens, no, it is not ridiculous. I was a supporting player in the ex’s career for many years having stepped away from a very promising career to raise a family.

I am now leaning in to my talent, reconnecting with work that makes me feel alive, and I’m loving it!

Yes, I had to take a few crappy jobs after the divorce, but I’ve been working full-time as a writer, ghostwriter, screenwriter, blogger, essayist since 2019 and I’ve made some serious strides. I got published in the LA Times, wrote 3 spec scripts, and wrote two books. The most recent book is starting to take off and my partner, Reena, and I are building a whole business around the book, creating content and developing workshops. I was a runner-up in Final Draft’s “Big Break” screenwriting competition this year, I have a business writing articles and copy for a handful of clients, I freelance for an SEO/marketing guru writing content for his clients and doing SEO keyword research, and I have been enjoying the heck out of my Medium writing and this humble newsletter for the last year.

Am I an impressive rock of financial stability for my kids? No. But I love their guts and they know it. I have spent many years banking love and support for these guys, and it’s not something you can assign a dollar worth to. It’s so damn rewarding to see my boys out there in the world, finding themselves, stretching, growing. In fact, at the moment we are all together with our entire family in New York for the first time since my nephew’s wedding in Villanova in 2018. My boys got to meet my grandnephew, their cousin, who exploded his cuteness all over Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving 2021 blew away Thanksgiving 2020, so if you’re out there and you have also been able to come out of your cocoon, you feel me.

So that’s a wrap on my couch surfing. It was very challenging figuring out what to do with my car, how to get to LAX, patching together arrangements until I get to move back into my spot on December 1st. But it allowed me to come here with my kids, purchase extra legroom for the 6’ 5” boy and hit a little small-Saturday shopping outing with moms yesterday on lower Broadway.

What’s also awesome about it? Appreciating absolutely everything. I get verklempt just thinking about my lovely, rent-controlled microapartment at the beach. I have managed to keep alive a succulent in a macrame plant hanger whose little pink flowers bloom every morning and close up every night. When I move back home on December 1, I’m going to hug my little plant. I’m gonna use the fuck out of my P-touch and finish the neverending organizational project of my life. I’m gonna have friends over. I’m going to cook eggs for my man. I’m going to hop on my bike and get back to tooling around my town.

. . .

OK it’s time for the SEO tip of the week!

From Stephan, the expert I work with, this is an SEO myth, busted.

First you get your site launched, then you add all the SEO goodness.

Well SEO is not some bolt-on, like an outdoor deck you tack on to the back of your home. It’s more like the electrical wiring throughout your new home.

Sure, you can build the house without the electrical and add it in later, but you’ll have to tear out the drywall to do it. Which might be fine if you like tripling costs and needlessly extending out the timeframe. SEO starts well before the site launches: it’s reflected in the functional specs, wireframes, mockups, content plan, and so on. And it continues for the life of the website.

Medium tip of the week:

Tagging is an everchanging beast on Medium, but tagging a story intelligently can lead to thousands of additional views.

Tags are user assigned. You can add whatever tag you want, but you should be methodical about it. If you’re writing a story about politics, for example, and you want to tag it “politics,” you can do this search:

https://medium.com/tag/politics

Underneath, you will see latest stories with this tag. And then, on the top right side of the screen you will see this:

‘Related tags’ is going to take into account stories that are related to politics. This shows us how Medium’s algorithm will take into account stories that are relational to each other.

Related topics:

Donald Trump

Government

Trump

2016 Election

News

Culture

etc.

If you want to make money writing, you want to know what your audience wants, what they are reading, and what the competition looks like. Tags and topics are how you find out.

* * *

Hey, I wrote a fun little ditty that got accepted into Slackjaw on Medium, yayyy. Apparently, the third time is the charm. Link coming soon when published :)

That’s it. Until next time,

Write on, write on, write on!

~ Rebecca

* Typed from my mom’s incredibly chic and extremely firm leather couch in the Flatiron District, NYC

P.S. If you enjoy reading Medium stories and you want to support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. It’s $5 a month, giving you unlimited access to stories on Medium. If you sign up using my link, I’ll earn a small commission. Woot!